Cheeseburgers are the food of gods

Whats with the grimaces and looks of disgust I receive when I say I want a cheeseburger all the time? Go die. Cheeseburgers are the single greatest invention since sliced bread, which is fucking included in the food itself. Oh its unhealthy blah blah, well I think you'll find the stress it causes you to tell me not to eat cheeseburgers causes higher blood pressure and cholesterol than eating the burger itself.
Infact, cheeseburgers are good for you. Yesterday I ate 14 cheeseburgers and after the 13th one I had a brainwave and cured AIDS. The 14th burger was just celebratory. This is because the primary ingriedient in cheeseburgers is MEAT and any idiot (even a woman) knows that meat makes you smarter, promotes Tom Selleck-esqe mustache growth and also, being the primary ingriedient in Bruce Willis, makes it FUCKING BADASS.
If you want to partake in this bizarre concept some like to call "cooking your own food" and lecture me every time I buy a burger then go for it. But I've heard that people who do that have a higher chance in contracting my fist to their face.

To me every cheeseburger tastes like its been made with unicorn flesh, cooked to perfection on the fires of a phoenixes rebirthing, filled with salad that has been smashed into small pieces by Odins hammer and topped off with angel cum. And they make me happy because they make you furious and fat and me stoked and powerful like She-Ra.


Sup?

But I dont really care.
Im only writing this blog to fill time while I wait for my flatmates to get back with cheeseburgers.

I like the internet

If you didnt like either of those videos then go fuck yourself. If you felt an emotion during either of them that wasnt A: fury or B: overwhelming awesomeness, then go eat some bacon and punch some sheet metal until you dont feel feelings anymore or go fuck yourself.

If you dont think this is awesome, get the fuck off my blog.

This is the coolest thing ive ever seen. Found this yesterday and had to evolve in the space of a few in seconds in order to grow a penis so I could get a boner over it. Before i'd even clicked the link my flatmate Hamish was determined to convince me it was a guy in a suit. But Hamish thinks Orbs are phospherescent fish superimposed onto films of nothing and hes also a racist that doesnt believe in ghosts or black people. And if you don't believe in ghosts I hate you, because it means you dont believe in things that are fucking totally badass and fuck shit up.

There goes my hero

Here for your viewing pleasure I have posted some of my favorites from the inspiring artwork of Valin Mattheis.
Warning - looking at this artwork may cause the desire to fight bears and/or sharks. And some side effects of prolonged viewing can cause the manifestation of amazing super powers.

Im lucky enough to have a few of his drawings in my possession. I look at them every day to get pumped for my job as a total fucking badass.





Go check out more of his artwork on his flickr - http://www.flickr.com/people/unforgivablerealness/

From there you can also go check out his blog which showcases his fantastically eloquent and descriptive writing ability. There you will find many a tale of awesome power and adventure through the eyes of a total fucking badass. Its fucking main and you should go and read it now. Badass.

I'd rather eat a dead rock.

ARMS LIKE AN OCTOPUS WITH TWO ARMS says:
hey
rawr says:
hey
how r u?
ARMS LIKE AN OCTOPUS WITH TWO ARMS says:
im good
where do i know you from?
rawr says:
maybe vf
ARMS LIKE AN OCTOPUS WITH TWO ARMS says:
oh yeah
rawr says:
can i see you?
ARMS LIKE AN OCTOPUS WITH TWO ARMS says:
why
rawr says:
cuz you are beautiful
ARMS LIKE AN OCTOPUS WITH TWO ARMS says:
so you can tell me i look pretty and you want to --- yeah there it is
and no
no you cant



...............Today I am pissed off with people who stop talking to me when I dont cam and also when the first thing i get asked is to cam. Camming costs BANDWIDTH that I could be using to watch PORN and I have to watch PORN because you live too far away to FUCK me and i'll probably never MEET you.
Im not going to waste it sitting there whilst someone says "OMG UR LIKE SOOOO BEUTIFUL ALL DA OTHER GIRLS ARE WELL PANTS"
Because that is boring to me.
And I hate you.
And little do you know, I havent shaved my legs in two weeks and my hair has separated into dreadlocks because my shampoo is crappy and my hair straightener sucks. How beautiful is that? My hands smell like onions from the sauce I made earlier. Sexy? Lets rub them on me so I smell like onions all over. But yes, watch me on cam and tell me im beautiful. Please do. So I can tell you I smell like mushrooms and onions today.

I loled for like 45 minutes.