Infact, cheeseburgers are good for you. Yesterday I ate 14 cheeseburgers and after the 13th one I had a brainwave and cured AIDS. The 14th burger was just celebratory. This is because the primary ingriedient in cheeseburgers is MEAT and any idiot (even a woman) knows that meat makes you smarter, promotes Tom Selleck-esqe mustache growth and also, being the primary ingriedient in Bruce Willis, makes it FUCKING BADASS.
If you want to partake in this bizarre concept some like to call "cooking your own food" and lecture me every time I buy a burger then go for it. But I've heard that people who do that have a higher chance in contracting my fist to their face.
To me every cheeseburger tastes like its been made with unicorn flesh, cooked to perfection on the fires of a phoenixes rebirthing, filled with salad that has been smashed into small pieces by Odins hammer and topped off with angel cum. And they make me happy because they make you furious and fat and me stoked and powerful like She-Ra.
Sup?
But I dont really care.
Im only writing this blog to fill time while I wait for my flatmates to get back with cheeseburgers.
The fact of the matter is that people who have some morbid fixation on discouraging cheeseburger use are cowards. They have not the might, nor the fortitude to ingest this food of the gods and survive, thus they fear their own well deserved culling from the ranks of men. All would do well to heed these words, for those who shy away from this gastronomic pathway to Valhalla cannot be called as men when they die.
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