The Female Mullet

So here I was, minding my own business sitting in the car in some hippy town. WHEN OUT OF NOWHERE, THIS.



Resisting the urge to feel like i had seen into my future i got to thinking...
Now there is no excuse for having this haircut. Ever. But its EVERYWHERE. Delusional parents drag their young male children to the hairdressers as young as 3 and are actually REQUESTING this. What hairdresser would DO that, unless they do it themselves at home in their caravans or whatever (which usually involves taking copious amounts of P and 1. Craft knife 2. More P).
But adults, of reasonably sound mind are getting this haircut. Which brings me to my point (yes there is one).
Why do they think it looks good? When? Who? Why do they how? and what? Also, How do they describe this haircut to the hairdresser? "Oh yeah just like, make me look like my child got to me with the scissors in the night on top, aaaaaand leave the rest hanging out the back because my cousin likes something to hold on to when hes ramming me"
UNLESS theyre part of a secret cult, because all around the world people are getting this cut and they cant all be from the same hairdresser. Maybe they have secret websites where you can print off the picture to take in. Or a special flash program on the website that allows you to adjust length and even superimpose piercings, tooth decay and domestic abuse scars. But this is all assuming that people who would get the mullet know how to use a computer, or a toilet. I thought about this so hard on the way home from the bay today that the only conversation i could muster was about the reflector posts on the side of the road and how it would've sucked to have put all of them in. Damn you mullets.

Day one: Fuck my life in the dick and also ass - a blog about smoking.

My last smoke was a few minutes ago and before that it was early yesterday evening, but because of my sleeping pattern I actually mean midnight sunday. I'd just like to throw this in there - sleeping all day is a huge bonus when trying to quit. Because if youre asleep, you cant smoke!
No shit Faye.
Another thing I noticed is smokers around you become like gods.
My flatmates girlfriend smokes and I thought she was leaving before and I almost had a panic attack and blew up my entire flat just to stop her leaving. Not that I want her smokes but the fact that shes here calms me. Its also true that everyone looks like a walking cigarette.
Lists of other things that become cigarettes:
sticks
white hairtyes
white cups
pens
pencils
things in the corner of your eye
fingers

I'm at the stage now where I dont actually want a smoke but I REALLY FUCKING WANT A SMOKE.
I could go ask for one now, I am listening to every footstep in my house...are they going to bed?..thats my last chance..should i go now?...but i dont need one...but i do need one...no you dont...yes i do now im angry at myself and i really need one. Fuck.

My physical withdrawl symptoms havent been too bad, just numbness, the odd heart palpatation and wanting to vomit uncontrollably all over every single person in my general vicinity.

I just lifted my blanket up to get out of bed to go ask for a smoke then I felt bad about it so i put it back down but now im going again.

Failure Number One - Going to ask for another smoke.

Failure Number Two = Realise theyre in bed, wander around aimlessly before boiling the jug for no apparent reason and coming back downstairs.

Dragonball Evolution, a somewhat review

Now there isnt much to say about Dragonball Evolution that hasnt already been said about getting kicked in the face 9 times, but I will try my best.
For anyone thinking of seeing this film I would recommend instead going out and spending the rental fee on a really average looking prostitute, because it has pretty much the same effect, that of leaving you feeling dissatisfied and suicidal. I personally still feel bafflement and confusion as to WHY Chow Yun Fat would agree to go near this.

DB:Evolution is full of unknowns and is reminiscent of such films as Dungeons & Dragons because of its complete lack of substance, due possibly to the fact that it was made in a hurry by filmmakers desperate to get nerds to spend money usually spent on warhammer and Geek4Geeks.com memberships instead of people who actually give a shit about staying true to the genre or true to fans. Any fan of the original dragonball series will agree that its as if Stephen Chow asked a child to write the script. A 10 year old child. A retarded child that hadnt even seen Dragonball. One that described it using only hand gestures.

I had to watch it in parts. I waded through the first part holding on to the hope that these people couldnt possibly anally rape my childhood for over an hour, surely, and ended up watching the second only with help from someone who hit the nail on the head by describing it as 'Porn without the sex".
Which funnily enough sums up D&D, Street Fighter, Cutie Honey Live Action AND pretty much the entire Power Rangers series. All made on the same principal. No offence.

Save for a few decent special effects, and I use the word "decent" very generously, it was a very average film, none of the cast look as they should and aside from the aforementioned role of Chow Yun Fat as Master Roshi all the acting is sub-par and I would advise watching it in parts like I did because I can imagine watching it in one go would conjure up feelings of horror akin to Hatchet Vs Genitals on repeat for 16 years.

average/10

Oh herro and werrcome to my crock shop.

So Its like 5am, Well, Its 5:18am. BUT my phone says its 5:19. So It got me thinking. Which is right? I could go and find all the clocks in the house and even if they all match they probably dont match all the clocks in someone elses house. Or the country or even the WORLD. So who has the right time? Think, There is someone somewhere in the world who has exactly the right time. Like, When the first intelligent people invented clocks and set them to the first time ever I wonder if that times still right now. Or if its like an hour off. Even a few seconds off. Surely.
And before clocks, things were decided by the setting of the sun so how do they know NOW that they have the right ORIGINAL time if sometimes the sun sets differently and what if it set a little later than usual on the day they set the first clocks. And what if now we're all living in a world of wrong time. It poses the question...What IS the right time? What IS time? Time is the word we use for a manmade thing. But before clocks there was still time. So what is now?
Couldnt I just set my clock forward or back a few hours and tell people that was the right time according to me and live by it? Who controls time? Is there a law against time changing and could i be arrested? What about appointments. Could I argue that my 10 o clock with the doctor isnt on my time and arrive late without consequence? And If I got a tattoo and they charged by the hour couldnt i say that 3 hours is equivalent to one hour in my time? What would be the argument against me?
So time is basically a worldwide agreement between everyone. It is constant and unchanging in pattern. Its really the only thing everyone has in common. A minutes a minute..An hours and hour a days a day. No one will argue otherwise. Its probably the only thing created by man that everyone can agree on and I guess its nice to think about it like that.
But its scary to think that without the terminologys like "minute" we're all just existing in an everlasting continuum of happenings. Without "Minute" there is no end to anything. How long is a minute? 60 seconds. But, What is a second? A second is the time it takes me to do something quick. But how quick is quick? What defines a second?
In terms of what the worlds already experienced in the grand scheme of things mans evolution to its current point was quick and if since the beginning its been an hour we arrived in about a minute. How BIG is time? How much more time do we have before it runs out? Apparently the aztecs made this clock thingy thats supposed to run out soon, But how do we know their time is the same as ours, Their "Years" could be millenia in our terms we just dont know. Why do we assume everyone in the history of everything measured time in the same way.
I AM SO CONFUSED AND TIRED.

Dont even get me started on distance...

OOM.

My first criticism is with the release of GWEN (Eye of the North) and the Norn skill "Ursan". The use of the "Ursan" skill employs the spirit of bear which replaces your current build of skills with a new one to give you armor and health bonus as well as high dmg skills, the only negative aspect being that of energy degeneration over a period of time which is combatted easily by attacking and bringing energy back up. EVERYONE and their retarded cousin uses this build. To get "Ursan" to a useable level you must have Rank10 on the Norn title track which is aquired by repetitive farming, each monster killed depending on hard mode or normal mode you receive 1-2 points or more depending on hunting bonuses.
I. Cant. Be. Bothered.
Because I dont have the patience to repeatedly farm norn points and get high ranking ursan im constantly excluded from doing elite dungeons. Things usually go like this;

Me - lfg
Them - show build
*shows carefully crafted build that works perfectly*
Them - No ursan?
Me - I dont need ursan its perfectly fine
Them - you will die, you cant do it without ursan
*shows various titles all aquired without ursan*
*gets kicked anyway*
Them - lfg slavers, no ursanless noobs

....ffs

I was in a group the other day that told me i needed ursan and that I was a noob for not having it. I told them to fuck off, My build works fine, I dont need a skill that replaces it to make me almost invincible just to play the fucking game. Some agreed, some did not. We went anyway, Got into the dungeon, All the ursans got completely owned and I had a good laugh to myself whilst being the only one managing to stay alive (as ursan has little or no healing capability or rez).

Another thing that winds me up is people who have problems with mixed builds.
My build is comprised of 8 skills, for example my rit, I have restoration, spirits which do dmg and some magic plus rez and my secondary as a ranger allows me to do high dmg with a bow as well. This is fucking awesome. But people always ask me why its mixed and im not a specific dmg dealer or healer. I fucking love my build. My build isnt to help you, Its not my job to care if you cant work your build properly and you die. Thats what heroes are for. Im not going to miss out on fun so I can stay back and heal your ass.

My third peeve, which could also apply to most mmo's, is people calling other people noobs for not knowing the exact specs and price of weapons or location of outpost. You seem to forget you were a noob once. You were a horrible noob that annoyed the fuck out of people who knew how to play the game, you spammed questions in outposts and had multicoloured armor and the wrong weapon equipped because no matter how many times people told you a warrior doesnt use a staff you would be adamant that "im allow to use what i want lol"
I no longer have the problem of being called a noob, probably because im not, But I was once. If someones a low lvl and doesnt know what the fuck theyre doing, HELP THEM, if they ignore your help, TAKE A DIFFERENT GROUP.
I was in a run with a guy the other day who was lvl 20 had 50k elite endgame armor but constanly spammed "DOS ANY1 HAVE A IDENTIFICATION KIT TO SELL"
over. and over. and over. ID kits are 100g from any merchant. Free if you have monestary credits. This man is a noob.

My favourite videos this week on teh tebs.

If theres anything I love more than b movies and terrible acting its swords and one liners, Luckily I dont have to choose. This vid caters to my every need.



You just cant piss on hospitality, as is shown in this awesome clip from Troll 2 (not child porn). This film is worth watching at least 7 times.




Not for the faintheated, but anyone who enjoys videos of gay as dudes should watch this. Bearing in mind if you fap on my blog youre going to hell, because nothing here is fap material unless youre one very disturbed or hilarious individual.




I can tell you with 100% certainty that me and my boyfriends first argument will sound exactly like this, hopefully with different subject matter.




Needs no explanation really.

Heres the original, equally as good.




Ive always had a passion for dance. I mean, watching other people dance. This has to be one of my favourite clips. Im sorry its not funny, but my god its still badass. Straight men and extremely masculine women please avert your eyes.




This video does indeed give me hardcore feelings. Make sure you watch till the end. Its very informative.




Hardly anything makes me laugh anymore apart from Lachlan. But I laughed so hard I cured aids when I saw this. So I guess you could say my boyfriend is a dog on a skateboard careening towards a bin. Dont tell him I said that he'll pretend he doesnt think its funny just to piss me off.

Cheeseburgers are the food of gods

Whats with the grimaces and looks of disgust I receive when I say I want a cheeseburger all the time? Go die. Cheeseburgers are the single greatest invention since sliced bread, which is fucking included in the food itself. Oh its unhealthy blah blah, well I think you'll find the stress it causes you to tell me not to eat cheeseburgers causes higher blood pressure and cholesterol than eating the burger itself.
Infact, cheeseburgers are good for you. Yesterday I ate 14 cheeseburgers and after the 13th one I had a brainwave and cured AIDS. The 14th burger was just celebratory. This is because the primary ingriedient in cheeseburgers is MEAT and any idiot (even a woman) knows that meat makes you smarter, promotes Tom Selleck-esqe mustache growth and also, being the primary ingriedient in Bruce Willis, makes it FUCKING BADASS.
If you want to partake in this bizarre concept some like to call "cooking your own food" and lecture me every time I buy a burger then go for it. But I've heard that people who do that have a higher chance in contracting my fist to their face.

To me every cheeseburger tastes like its been made with unicorn flesh, cooked to perfection on the fires of a phoenixes rebirthing, filled with salad that has been smashed into small pieces by Odins hammer and topped off with angel cum. And they make me happy because they make you furious and fat and me stoked and powerful like She-Ra.


Sup?

But I dont really care.
Im only writing this blog to fill time while I wait for my flatmates to get back with cheeseburgers.