The Female Mullet

So here I was, minding my own business sitting in the car in some hippy town. WHEN OUT OF NOWHERE, THIS.



Resisting the urge to feel like i had seen into my future i got to thinking...
Now there is no excuse for having this haircut. Ever. But its EVERYWHERE. Delusional parents drag their young male children to the hairdressers as young as 3 and are actually REQUESTING this. What hairdresser would DO that, unless they do it themselves at home in their caravans or whatever (which usually involves taking copious amounts of P and 1. Craft knife 2. More P).
But adults, of reasonably sound mind are getting this haircut. Which brings me to my point (yes there is one).
Why do they think it looks good? When? Who? Why do they how? and what? Also, How do they describe this haircut to the hairdresser? "Oh yeah just like, make me look like my child got to me with the scissors in the night on top, aaaaaand leave the rest hanging out the back because my cousin likes something to hold on to when hes ramming me"
UNLESS theyre part of a secret cult, because all around the world people are getting this cut and they cant all be from the same hairdresser. Maybe they have secret websites where you can print off the picture to take in. Or a special flash program on the website that allows you to adjust length and even superimpose piercings, tooth decay and domestic abuse scars. But this is all assuming that people who would get the mullet know how to use a computer, or a toilet. I thought about this so hard on the way home from the bay today that the only conversation i could muster was about the reflector posts on the side of the road and how it would've sucked to have put all of them in. Damn you mullets.

Day one: Fuck my life in the dick and also ass - a blog about smoking.

My last smoke was a few minutes ago and before that it was early yesterday evening, but because of my sleeping pattern I actually mean midnight sunday. I'd just like to throw this in there - sleeping all day is a huge bonus when trying to quit. Because if youre asleep, you cant smoke!
No shit Faye.
Another thing I noticed is smokers around you become like gods.
My flatmates girlfriend smokes and I thought she was leaving before and I almost had a panic attack and blew up my entire flat just to stop her leaving. Not that I want her smokes but the fact that shes here calms me. Its also true that everyone looks like a walking cigarette.
Lists of other things that become cigarettes:
sticks
white hairtyes
white cups
pens
pencils
things in the corner of your eye
fingers

I'm at the stage now where I dont actually want a smoke but I REALLY FUCKING WANT A SMOKE.
I could go ask for one now, I am listening to every footstep in my house...are they going to bed?..thats my last chance..should i go now?...but i dont need one...but i do need one...no you dont...yes i do now im angry at myself and i really need one. Fuck.

My physical withdrawl symptoms havent been too bad, just numbness, the odd heart palpatation and wanting to vomit uncontrollably all over every single person in my general vicinity.

I just lifted my blanket up to get out of bed to go ask for a smoke then I felt bad about it so i put it back down but now im going again.

Failure Number One - Going to ask for another smoke.

Failure Number Two = Realise theyre in bed, wander around aimlessly before boiling the jug for no apparent reason and coming back downstairs.