Day one: Fuck my life in the dick and also ass - a blog about smoking.

My last smoke was a few minutes ago and before that it was early yesterday evening, but because of my sleeping pattern I actually mean midnight sunday. I'd just like to throw this in there - sleeping all day is a huge bonus when trying to quit. Because if youre asleep, you cant smoke!
No shit Faye.
Another thing I noticed is smokers around you become like gods.
My flatmates girlfriend smokes and I thought she was leaving before and I almost had a panic attack and blew up my entire flat just to stop her leaving. Not that I want her smokes but the fact that shes here calms me. Its also true that everyone looks like a walking cigarette.
Lists of other things that become cigarettes:
sticks
white hairtyes
white cups
pens
pencils
things in the corner of your eye
fingers

I'm at the stage now where I dont actually want a smoke but I REALLY FUCKING WANT A SMOKE.
I could go ask for one now, I am listening to every footstep in my house...are they going to bed?..thats my last chance..should i go now?...but i dont need one...but i do need one...no you dont...yes i do now im angry at myself and i really need one. Fuck.

My physical withdrawl symptoms havent been too bad, just numbness, the odd heart palpatation and wanting to vomit uncontrollably all over every single person in my general vicinity.

I just lifted my blanket up to get out of bed to go ask for a smoke then I felt bad about it so i put it back down but now im going again.

Failure Number One - Going to ask for another smoke.

Failure Number Two = Realise theyre in bed, wander around aimlessly before boiling the jug for no apparent reason and coming back downstairs.